long long weekend
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 - 11:42 AM
its been a week since i’ve been home. what have i done. nothing really. family time i guess: trying to help my mom out. which i realise was not exactly very helpful haha. the weekend was eventful. now i'm starting to panic. i cant finish the bloody essay in time. sheesh.
anyway my dad has been finally discharged from the hospital yesterday. thank God for that. it was after i think 88 days. long ne. well, my dad was admitted into hospital because he had to carry out a
cholecystectomy as there was a cancerous cyst in his gallbladder. well thank goodness that it was in it super early stage. but unfortunately, my dad had to stay so much longer in the ward was due to the surgeons carelessness while performing the
ERCP - my dad's duodenum was perforated and there was an infection and lots of puss was oozing out of the wound from the previous operation. so my dad had to start fasting and he lost 12 kg. when i first visited him in the hospital when i came back it was quite shocking. so yeah my dad's alright now and he is finally back at home.
well when i first got home, i was a little ashame and guilty i must say. when i saw my dad's frail physique i was thinking about how trivial my prayers were as compared to what my mom must be doing every night. i should have prayed more for them even though no one told me about it. and if u guys are wondering. no i did not know that my dad was in the ward until i came home. apparently, my mom called all my relatives and told them that the news must not reach my ears. its normal - my mom just do not what the news to affect my studies, bla bla bla. this is how my family works: since i cannot do anything to help if i knew what happened its better not to know and let me worry and feel helpless about it. oh yes and after all that eating after my exams that added on to my guilt. since my family here has been taking on my responsibility as a family member while i was cruising away after my exams. i'm glad my dad is discharged.
so with the whole week spent in the hospital. i see and hear lots of things, professionals and layman alike, of course from the news as well. it is really ironic that professionals are the bigger liars than those who are not educated. the holders of information are afraid of admitting mistake and taking the blame. its really sad if u think about it. in economics we always believe that there few who are truly holders of certain information - that is why specialization is definitely a way to minimize costs and maximize efficiency. but it is these holders of information are the ones that exploit those that does not have the relevant information, aren't they suppose to help each other out. nope everyone is the world are rent-seeking (this is another economics term, pardon me) honestly, it is my education and things i hear that make me have such a cynical outlook about the world - don't blame me :) i may be cynical, but i am not pessimistic.
i'm so glad that i finally need not stay there in that sanitized place for long hours. of course, my brother coerced me haha to be in touch with the great outdoors by going 'mountain'-trekking. well some of you must remember my story of how i felt my heart beat after a long time when chasing a bus. hah. i did well i was just 3 minutes slower than my brother. a full one hour work out in the outdoors away from the sanitized air, away from the hustle of the city was definitely rejuvenating, all i could hear was the throbbing of my vessels in my head afterwards haha. how unfit i am. but i'm impressed that i did not take breaks and my muscles only ached a little. shall make this a weekly thing :p sorry bro, i am not like you to go there everyday.
also, i am not sure why i am filled with dreams lately. maybe i have been more in touch with my soul or maybe my brain has been too used to thinking hard that it is feeling uneasy, now it has to force the subconscious mind to dream to entertain it :) anyway - the first few dream i got was terrible. kept dreaming that i have not prepared for exams and worse still i woke up late for my paper - this makes me very confused haha when i wake up thinking i am late for exams and worse still i find myself not in hall and my notes are not around me. in the later days weird dreams continued and sunday morning my mom threw a rat into my shirt and i screamed and i woke up hah. dreams aye are weird things.
well things are not exactly back to normal. my dad's back and now its my mother's turn to be ill. well she has been holding up for so long i guess her body is finally failing her. now she sleeps all day and feels extremely giddy. erm i had been wondering what i can do as the tiniest family member in the household. hahah now i dont even need to think how i can contribute. i have to run errands for both my parents in the house, cook meals, go out and dapao, do the laundry, make sure my parents are not fainting, man... and my brothers have to go to work. and i can feel my temper going up hahaha. my irritability tolerance is reaching its limits. honestly, sometimes parents just dont know how much their children has to go through (i'm not speaking for myself, but wrt a comment my dad make abt my bro) totally irritated, i mean we of the younger generation may not look like we are working as hard as you are, try to find out and stop making assumptions and taking us for granted. of course i cannot deny that perhaps people of the past are more resilient but there is lots that we are doing as well just in a different way. give me strength and patience :)
oh ya u know the story of a prayer to owen meany. hee apple should know what i'm talking about. somehow now i really really believe that somehow God is forever in control. well i was a little unhappy that i did not manage to get my 3month internships but when i came home i had this sudden revelation that perhaps it was all meant to be cause i was needed at home to share some of the burden as my family is getting too stretched already. of course u can also say that i'm just consoling myself hahah. i am just lousy and stupid that no one wants to hire me hahaha.
my sources of entertainment is depleting. simpsons season just ended (how can they possibly end the series with lisa?!), antm (so happy its whitney that won), 30 rock (adoption??) and even ugly betty which has a very rotten season is having its season finale soon. my japanese ones - the nicer ones i finish watching already. waiting for my hanazakarino kimitachihe sp to come out which has my favourite nakatsu back again. of course there is maou which does not come out till july or august ahh toma. jo better bump into you ne. but cable is doing its part too :) i get to watch all the csi on supreme sunday haha and all the asian movies which i do not like spending money on to watch them in the cinema. mtv movie awards are coming again!
ok i will stop rambling: lots of natural disasters lately and the political arena in malaysia is definitely breathtaking now. a little prayer for everyone :)
