Friday, July 6, 2007 - 1:14 AM
rehab day erm 5 - and counting
well five great days at home. a record i must say. or maybe because of the desperate need to take a break and the long while since i’ve been home. this rehabilitation period is working great for me. a few hours from now i’ll be heading for my hair appointment and my mom told me that if her stylist’s advice is not to perm my mom i should die it then. i am surprised cause my mom never says this kind of things outright. but wow. had more family time today. yest was with me dad but i didnt sleep well the night before so i spent most of dad time sleeping. well it worked well because big daddy slept too. ice age 2 was outright boring. so day with mom today was hilarious. we got domestic and made zhong4 zi3 too. i think i’m pro now as compared to eons ago. see just like rehab. we watch boring shows (but with great surround sound with the new amp. hah) and we get domestic and do art and craft to get your mind off things.
somehow i think rehab is working out well. its just that i got this really strange vibe that i’m feeling prettier at home. okie before you get me wrong and think i’m nuts. this is rare. i usually feel prettier in singapore cause when i’m at home i really don’t care but hey this time its just different. the last week before i leave singapore. i was really feeling ugly and i’m glad its changing. perhaps it is the atmosphere or something.
well besides all the fortune articles that i have been gobbling down (hey always make full use of your brother’s subscriptions) i read an interesting article today, its an excerpt from this guy jaime cohen on human being’s funniest characteristic:
our contradictictoriness. we are in such a hurry to grow up, and then we long for our lost childhood. We make ourselves ill earning money, and then spend all our money getting well again. We think so much about the future that we neglect the present, and thus experience neither the present nor the future. We live as if we were never going to die, and die as if we had never lived.
i respect people who can write like that. putting all things into perspective. how true - our contradictoriness (is there even such a word) so you see there is nothing wrong with me not knowing what i want. half a year ago i was really sad about something that happened (oh well its always along those lines rite hah) and my friend said you deserve better. of course at that very moment i did believe it. but with a clear head months after - i start thinking, i do? why? or was it a great consolation line.
the real question is what do you deserve? if something bad happens to us, should we blame it on our own misgivings and say - i deserve it. how often do we blame ourselves for something bad that happen and how often do we compliment ourselves when something good happens. sometimes putting the blame on the rest of the world is so much easier. well i have put the blame on myself once: maybe i’m the one that is not good enough that is why it happened over and over again. well i thought: truth hurts so i might as well embrace and admit it right. but it wasn’t easy saying that and in the end i realize putting the blame on anyone did not going to make things better. turning sadness into hate or regret doesn’t make anything right. in fact i (now) do not think there is anything that could be done.
according to cassan said amer in his story of a lecturer and a 20-dollar note - “It doesn’t matter what i do to this money. It is still a 20-dollar bill. So often in our lives, we are crumpled, trampled, ill-treated, insulted, and yet, despite all that, we are still worth the same.”
well i guess its true. we can’t blame ourselves entirely of what had happen. because there were circumstances and also other people that was involved. so you can’t blame it on others too. reciprocation. i’m yapping again. hey its rehab so technically - i’m mentally ill :)
holiday task 1 completed..
