Thursday, July 5, 2007 - 1:05 AM
rehab day - 3
what do you want from a relationship. is being very happy enough. must you always look long term. must you always get very emotionally involved or should being in a relationship be like a form of negotiated business.
to think of what i really want: for relationship i think there are many that will say don’t do anything that you will end up
regretting. worse case scenario - getting yourself pregnant. but besides that there are so many things in between. problem is this - if you don’t do it how will you know you will regret.
took another peek into my little black book. it says “being happy is not everything - what’s the point if i’m always around when i am happy and yet when i feel down you are not there” sometimes feeling sad in a relationship can be the most beautiful thing because these are the moments that will forever be engraved in your memory. bittersweet. is that a sad fact of relationship.
we might not feel the impact from platonic relationship just as much. but i think they can be very fragile as well. how many friends that you were once very close to have now become total strangers because of a really small issue. sometimes even when reconciliations are done after you swallowed a huge chunk of your pride, the uneasiness will never be gone. sometimes you wonder why such fragility exists. i am always cynical about relationships but that does not make me a pessimist. i have made really good friends. i think it is so sad that relationships break down so easily these days and yet nothing can be done about it. a middleman comes in trying to help but in the end it was made worse. is it because of the rapid pace of life that made us slaves to time. we cease to express, cease to live. we take short cuts and eat instant food just to satisfy our appetite. we do not know how to take breaks so when something happens to the relationship we think the easiest way out is not to salvage it but move on. there are so many fishes out there losing one is not that big a deal.
so now we are back to what do we want from a relationship. if its family i think by sticking to each other for so long (since birth that is) we understand the need and respect for the existence of personal space. so there is not much conflict there. but when approaching a new relationship you tend to (
okie I tend to) be more cautious as there might be landmines everywhere. i believe a platonic friendship is easier for me to handle as personal spaces exist. i get very tired and frustrated when my personal space is invaded.
but when it is a b-g-r thing. or now b-b-r or ever g-g-r.
haha. with time, this personal space might turn into a common area. it can be a good and bad thing. it takes a lot of effort to break down these barriers. it is nice to be able to depend on someone but how long will that someone be there. what happens when he leaves. ironic :) my
itunes started singing:
let it go..
let your clarity define you..
time falls away..
with these small hours still
in vain.
its the heart that really matters in the end..
i cannot forget the way i feel right now
is being in a relationship really worth it. how should you know how to react to all the different types of relationship. i’m on this article when
Coelho writes:
Life is like a great bicycle race, whose aim is to fulfil our personal legends.. We all set off together, sharing friendship and enthusiasm, but as the race progresses, that initial happiness gives way to the real challenges: tiredness, boredom, doubts about our own abilities. We notice that a few friends have, in their hearts, already given up. They are still cycling, but only because they cannot stop in the middle of the road. There more and more of them, pedalling along beside the support vehicle - also known as routine - talking amongst themselves, fulfilling their obligations, but oblivious to the beauties and challenges of the road.
We eventually leave them behind us, and then we come face to face with loneliness, with unfamiliar bends in the road, and mechanical problems with our bicycle. At a certain stage, after suffering a few falls with no one near at hand to help, we begin to ask ourselves if it’s really worth all the effort.
...Therefore, on out solitary bicycle race, we must behave as if time existed and do everything we can to value each second, to rest when necessary, but keep cycling towards the divine light, and not be put off by any moments of anxiety.
well it does not really help in answering my questions. maybe to know what i really want is the best and safest bet. because by asking questions will only need to more questions. so maybe just maybe i
dont really have that one thing i want but many many things that co-exist and also at the same time contradicts
