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Monday, July 9, 2007 - 11:41 AM

during the holidays in hall i wrote down many things that i want to write about but never manage to do so because i just wasnt in the mood and also i didnt wanna get misunderstood. but now, there is this urge to not care about what others think at the moment. its my space so what the hell.

so there i was a few weeks back watching transformers with jo in a sea of guys trying to feel masculine or reliving their childhood fantasies hah (we cant help but felt weird:) whatever it is the show reminded me of war - not that i’ve been through one - never had this feeling before. maybe its the ‘nonsense’ that sn has been brainwashing my mind with about the end of the world and the suffering that comes along with it. also, maybe of the state of chaos and ruthlessness that i have been hearing - i’m actually worried what would happen if this day should come. wat if one day as i was preparing for school this happens. i never thought of myself as the heroine type - apparently according to sn, if you were a true christian you would be leading 7 years of misery then comes judgement day - so i guess the easiest way out is to make the necessary phone calls to family and friends then commit suicide or something. do not think i’m strong enough to live through war - the whole living in the jungle everyday with fear of getting caught, raped and murdered. should we constantly live in fear that this day may be tomorrow?


no matter what it looked like on the final day of the performance i think i did a very bad job. well it is impossible to compare with other years because i would not know but according to my standards i think i did badly. i know you would wonder why cry over spilt milk. for one i am not crying =) well it is said that it is in my stars to lead, yeah right. i think with another person as a leader, things would be much better. the executive side was a mess and even the members do not even know each other that well. nonetheless, it was a good experience (even when i messed up) i learn one thing for sure: the satisfaction you get as a performer always supersedes anything else (on one condition - it must be a good show)