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Sunday, February 4, 2007 - 5:56 PM

... the ambiguity of relationships. was i just using gina to find out more about my father? was she using me, perhaps, to expaiate some kind of guilt she felt about what she had or hadnt done to my father? maybe she just wants to pair me off with her son? i don't know anymore. why am i asking you? i am not. forget it.


finally done with the book. i must say this is one of the books that i took quite some time to finish. its great how the book manage to unravel layers of 'ambiguity'. it is quite refreshing to literally see an issue with so many perspectives. my next reading project would be the bible. after taking food this semester i realize how unequipped i am for a religion that i believe in. even simple things like the kosha rules seem foreign to me even though it exists in the old commandments. i believe this time i would be able to finish because through the previous book i think i'm slowly to learn how to read slowly maybe i can try lolita again.

this packed packed week. what have i done. besides losing my voice. changing the score board. blowing the whistle. singing with some old friends who are more pro than those that i'm singing with in hall. hanging out with primary school children. and watching productions. i must say this is the season to be supppper busy. school work. more gigs. fulfilling? hmmm somehow there is this emptiness that i'm not sure can be filled with what at the moment. maybe its the same yearning like him - "in everyone of us there is a simon inside" it is just he is better in expressing it while we are more successful in concealing this yearning. what have i learnt. last time i use to be able to learn from this primary school children. while i sit amongst them and look up at him, thinking. are we touching lives changing destinies or are we a profit organization just doing our job. this cynicism in me makes me a bitter person after hanging out with the kids today. what had happened. it use to be fun. where has the passion gone.

its primary school kids day tmr again. but for a totally different purpose. hope it is going to be good day. undeniably everyone is backlogging. argh. helplessness resurfaces. i'm tryin to hang on to everything that seems like a routine. because everything is scattered at the moment. without them i'll lose my mind. haha. in an aside note. should i got for canoeing? have i time to spare? hmmm. there are many things to think about and i'm not sure where should i start and what i should write about. out.