saw this quote today in a book. its so hard to understand the content that i'm reading it really slowly. this is a rare situation. watched desperate housewives and this season is good. it does however brings me back to the topic of desperateness. i was shocked how the story progress. yet how real it seems -in an exagerrated manner- characters in the show just never stop yearning for love and yet get betrayed again. its ironic that crisis is the only thing that brings people together. tragic.

i decided the throw out sth that meant alot to me. like the recurring dreams: i feel helpless and alone. maybe throwing it out is just a gesture but i just do not want to have such dreams again and again. its haunting.

nonetheless, school has started. i was actually quite excited about school. interesting modules. yet routines all over again. the inertia has set in again. the inability to change things and the lack of want to do something about it. soon the year will pick up speed and there goes another year. i think i need a change. but where do i find it. in a crisis only will i have the motivation too?

i cant stop thinking. in sleep i seek solace: so grant me the wish of not having dreams of you. let go.